Rethinking This Baby Business

All right.

I realize that 31 (almost) weeks pregnant is a little late to be rethinking anything to do with this baby, but I couldn't help but wonder at about 3 am this morning if maybe we could have a "do over" or something. Ha.

I say this, because I realized last night that in 20 (almost) short months of Julia's life, I have relearned how much I LOVE sleep and my body has forgotten ALREADY what it is like to wake up multiple times in the night.

And, soon we are bringing a newborn into our lives... a little body that will require a lot of attention at odd times of the night.

All of this thinking business came about because Julia has been up A LOT in the last four nights. Her... bowel movements... have shifted such that she requires being changed nightly at around 3 am or so. (I say "requires", because she is starting to realize that she abhors a poopy butt and demands it to be changed, regardless of the hour. Of course, this doesn't mean she is ready to potty train. Really, it only bothers her when she is trying to sleep and she doesn't seem to realize why she is waking up and whimpering... but I can sure smell why!)

The first few nights I managed just fine, and fell back to sleep just fine, and Julia went back to sleep just fine, but last night... LAST NIGHT... she woke up at 1 am... not because she needed to be changed, but simply because she was in a new habit of waking up and well, it seemed like fun to her to read books and play at 1 am.

This new baby will have one advantage that Julia did not have... when I am awaken in the middle of the night, I am FULL ON AWAKE. So, this new baby will not have to suffer a half-asleep mama trying to remember who she is or what she is doing or for goodness sake, what IS this writhing being in my arms and oh, yes, it is my newborn child. Whew.

Julia has trained me to be AWAKE. I think I was much more awake from 1 - 3 am this morning than I was... well, have been at all today yet. I was fully aware of what was going on, I was fully able to read books in the dim light of her room, and I was fully able to say, "Lay down. LAY DOWN. Julia, lay down, please. PLEASE. It is time to go to sleep."

As I crawled back into bed and listened to Julia putz around in hers (so obviously NOT going to sleep as her little seahorse dude began playing bubble music and whatnot), I thought to myself... WOW. I am wide awake. WOW. I am so not looking forward to being up half the night and then trying to function the rest of the day when this new baby comes. WOW. I think poor Adam is going to suffer a lot more this time around because after only four nights of Julia being awake in the middle of the night, I was ready to start bawling and ask Adam to get up and please go put His Child back to bed... and well, if that can almost happen after only four nights... WHAT is going to happen when it is EVERY NIGHT? FOR THREE MONTHS? Gosh, I hope this new child starts that "sleeping through the night" business sooner than later.

I believe I prayed myself to sleep last night after laying Julia back down... I am pretty sure of it... I remember starting to pray and then I remember being jolted back awake at 3:30 am by some noise... I checked on Julia and she was sound asleep, cuddling her cat. I went back to bed... and finally, instantly fell asleep.

I'm not so sure where this post is going today. As I have told a few folks today, I have some serious diarrhea of the brain (mouth) today. It has to do with being overly tired.

I think that this post is simply a way to get my thoughts out of my head; a way to help me realize that yes, I will get through this newborn business again... I want to do this newborn business again... it's not going to be so terrible, and I can look back on the night before and maybe smile a little bit. And hope that I don't cringe at the thought of going to bed tonight with the fear that I will be woken up before it is Time.

And, now that I am thinking back on last night... I realize that even still... the time that we have with Julia is so precious and will go by so fast, and who shouldn't want to read books to their child in the middle of the night? And isn't it a little funny when you try to bring her into bed with you, hoping she will sleep, only to hear her say "uh, oh" as she drops her nuk and blanket down the crack between the wall and the bed simply because she thinks it is a hoot? And, who doesn't love their 20 (almost) month old figuring out how to take up more than 50% of a king-sized bed?

So... writing all of this out, I am reminded too that I am blessed to have Julia in my life, I am blessed to be pregnant (and it has been a healthy pregnancy at that)... and a few nights of little sleep are completely worth it.

Rethinking... finished.

erin