From my vantage point, I see scraps of paper and doll clothes lying on the floor. The blankets are in a heap on the couch, and the chalkboard is a drying rack (I wondered where that towel went; I never thought to look there). The girls found blocks out on the porch; evidence from our weekend fun, which ended two days ago. There’s the basket of clothes I still haven’t taken to the thrift store, I am pretty certain there is food on the floor under the kids’ table, and the pile of laundry that I vanquished last Thursday has returned.
We had pancakes for dinner because we really need groceries.
I am not Super Wife or Super Mom.
My kids were pretty happy to spend time with Daddy tonight working on school workbooks while Mommy took a quick nap. Julia was pleased as punch to show me a new ballet jumping move (how many times did I try that as a kid – she sure thought she was flying). Anna used the word “yes” with me more than the word “no” tonight. Raven asked me to make her bed pretty for the umpteenth time. We had a fort with those blankets on the couch and the kids love pancakes. Anna doesn’t mind snacking on random cereal bits from the floor, and thankfully we have more clothes than we can shake a stick at so who cares if the laundry gets done.
I have Amazing Kids.
I received a promotion and a raise at work yesterday. I was asked to fill a role almost three months ago that I wouldn’t have expected to achieve for a few years yet, and while it’s tiresome and robs me of time and the commute is long, they picked me to fill that role permanently, and that’s saying a lot. I’m the first woman and the first person under the age of 40 to fill this role on this program. I have a heart for my team and want to see them succeed. I have a lot to learn but I have amazing mentors. I’m learning to accept opportunities and not rest in pride cloaked with humility.
Yesterday I was reminded by my boss that I had told her about a year and a half ago that I wanted her job some day. And I won’t get there by holding back.
Still not Wonder Woman.
The proverbial Wonder Woman can Do It All and Have It All and Be Everything to Everyone. I confess I don’t know much about the actual Wonder Woman other than that I had a Wonder Woman underoos set as a child and recall swallowing a nickel while wearing it and thankfully didn’t land in the hospital. In my mind Wonder Woman doesn’t have to make choices because she can simply do it all. But that’s not true for me; it’s not true for most people and most moms.
Every choice has a consequence. Consequence has a negative connotation, but the definition isn’t negative; it simply means a result or outcome. Each choice I make has a result – I choose to work and succeed at my job and the outcome is that described above. There are days that I would change it all if I could – and most people try to tell me that I can and I should – but it’s not that easy. And I don’t know that I want to. And it wouldn’t make me anymore Wonder Woman. There would simply be different outcomes. The question is whether or not the current results would be outweighed by the potential results. Greener grass and the like. And I don’t know that and can’t know that unless I make a different choice.
I don’t have a reason for this blog post other than that I have a lot of rumblings in my head that make me question what I am doing and the choices that I’ve made and whether or not they are the right ones. There are no changes on the horizon. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t consider the alternatives and what they might look like and whether there might be a better option.
So for tonight, I’ll accept the choices I’ve made and rest my weary brain as my girls flit around me, make forts, eat pancakes, and sneak in snuggles with me while I take a nap.