17 Months

Dear Raven,

Today you are 17 months old... it has been 17 months since you've joined us out in the world.  Seventeen months isn't a remarkable or milestone age, by any means, so I'm not quite sure why I choked up tonight thinking about it, while I rocked you to sleep.

It shouldn't surprise me that you are saying words already, surprising us with words like "Bible", as you did this last weekend, and which you're happy to repeat over and over again.  You enjoy helping by taking things to the trash, carrying objects from one room to the other, and putting books away.  You can walk, you can run, and you can climb, and each day it seems you get better at it.

Thanks to your sister, today was the day you discovered the miraculousness that is A Blanket.  I don't recall when your sister first became attached to hers, but you have been attached to your Sheep for some time now.  Today you added the Blanket to your list of lovies and it reminds me of when Julia couldn't be parted with her blanket and her seahorse.  Julia doesn't carry the seahorse around anymore but the blanket is still her best bud, and it breaks my heart into a few pieces to think that you might soon give up Sheep for Blanket and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.

When your sister was 17 months old, I was 5 months pregnant with you and already preparing for your birth.  I wasn't as concerned about "losing" my baby because I knew I would be meeting another one soon, but I'm not pregnant now and I don't know when I will be again, and I'm having a hard time letting the little pieces of your babyhood slip away.  You amaze me and cause me tears at the same time as you pop new teeth, start to thin out, show me new things you can do and say... I'm so proud of you, little one, but please, stop growing up so fast!  At the rate you are changing, I fear the next child will be 18 before I know what happened.

I'm not sure why... maybe it is your erratic sleeping in your crib, but before today, I never thought to give you a pillow.  At naptime, you and Julia were causing a ruckus in your room, so I took you out and put you in the Pack and Play in the guest room because I knew you needed a nap (and so did your sister, but the hives had other ideas).  I gave you a pillow because you looked so pitiful in that bed and you zonked right out and never moved until you woke up two and a half hours later.  Tonight, as you struggled to breathe through your nose to sleep, I thought of that pillow, and since I was upstairs, I grabbed one from my bed.  Again I was reminded of the first time Julia slept with a pillow... one of mine, for about four months, until we bought her one of her own.  You nestled right into that pillow when I laid you on it and I can only hope it helps you to sleep well tonight.

While normally you are much to active and would rather fall asleep on your own, tonight you needed your Mama and I was so glad to rock you for a while to soothe your body and your tears.  I hope you feel better soon, but until you do, I will cuddle you and rock you as much as you want, soaking up every minute of it, because it's not "normal" for you and I love it and I miss it.  Nothing gave me greater joy today than having both your and your sister's heads leaning against my chest while you sat on my lap and I read you books.  I love you both so much, my sweet little girls.

Happy 17 months, my sweet little girl...

love,

your mama